My very first AA meeting

Some of you may be confused. "Did I read the title of this blog correctly? Did Christy really go to an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meeting? That just doesn't make sense." Others may be thinking, "I knew it! She has been a closest drinker/alcoholic all this time! Every time she refused a drink it was merely a facade trying to cover up her underlying alcohol addiction problems." Still others might think that I am just, "pulling your leg." Let me put that worry to rest right away - yes, I did in fact attend an AA meeting recently and I am not pulling your leg. If you want to know more than that, you will just have to keep reading...

I attended the AA meeting as part of our ICM II course requirement to have us learn about substance abuse. We had a couple class sessions on alcoholism and other forms of substance abuse on it and we are required to go to an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting. I actually really enjoyed going to the AA meeting and found it very insightful in many ways. Just in case you are interested, here is a little bit about my morning:

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I was dreaming a happy dream, I don’t quite remember what it was about, but it was definitely happy, when I was awoken suddenly by a very irritating beeping noise. It sounded like a dying fire detector with a battery that was about to run out. I realized in my sleep-deprived daze that it was my own alarm clock. I hit the light and looked at the time – 5:30am. Why in the world would I be getting out of bed this early when my first class wasn’t until noon?!?!?!? This definitely wasn’t part of the happy dream. I suddenly remembered that I was meeting some classmates for an early morning AA meeting as a requirement of our ICM II course. I hauled my lead-weighted feet to the bathroom and stared at my face in the mirror. A haggard med student with blood-shot eyes and very bad morning hair looked back at me. Two things were going through mind: 1) I should go back to bed and reschedule for an evening AA meeting and 2) I couldn’t believe people would voluntarily get up and go to an AA meeting once a week at this time in the morning. The other med students and I would probably be sitting in a practically empty AA meeting hall trying to talk about our own alcohol consumption history (our professor threatened that this would happen if we waited until too late in the quarter to go to our AA meeting). I really hoped that I wouldn’t have to share something. That could be awkward. What was I going to say, “I’ve had wine in communion?” or “I tried a sip of beer once, thought it was gross, and have never tried any kind of alcohol since?” Hmmm…. It would probably be like that scene with the sharks in Finding Nemo, and everyone would probably assume I was in denial if I couldn’t cough up any alcohol consumption history. Well, I guess I’ll have to cross that bridge when I come to it. I really hoped there would be at least a couple real AA members there. I tried to rally enthusiasm and soon I was out the door heading to my first ever AA meeting.

I decided to be as authentic as possible I would not drive to the AA meeting (trying to simulate the experience of someone who may have had their license taken away because of DUI). I took a bus about 2/3^rd the way there and then walked the rest of the way. About halfway there it started to snow lightly. It wasn’t sticking, but it was definitely enough to be considered “icky” weather. The thought that no one was going to show for this meeting solidified further in my mind.

I was slightly surprised when I arrived at the AA meeting that there was someone standing outside the door welcoming people. He greeted me with a big smile, opened the door for me, and said that he was glad I could brave the weather to come to the meeting.

I entered the room and was surprised to find about 50 chairs spread in a giant circle. Hmmmm… they must be hoping for a good turnout despite the weather. I timidly took a chair and started to unbundle my many layers of coats, sweaters and scarves. More people continued to arrive. As more and more people started to trickle in, I became enthusiastically curious about what sort-of experience this would turn out to be. I smiled and introduced myself to a couple people and soon I was surrounded by a group of talkative alcoholics all eagerly sharing part of their life stories. It was so fascinating to hear about people’s lives. Some people came to their first meeting with a friend and others just stumbled upon a meeting while walking downtown. Others were ordered by the court to attend their first AA meeting.

As the start-time for the meeting got closer, a couple other second year med students joined our group and were immediately surrounded by friendly AA members. When the meeting started I scoped out the room. Despite the cold weather, at least 50 people had come to the meeting. It was amazing how diverse the group of people was. There were people in business suits who looked like they were about to walk into their office at a law firm. There were men who were dressed as mechanics. Someone who looked like they were head to the gym, someone else brought their dog. After the opening rituals, they introduced us and then some people announced how long it had been since they had any alcohol. For some people it was just a couple days and for others it had been decades. During the discussion someone said they had been coming to this AA meeting every day for 11 years. EVERY DAY for 11 YEARS that person got out of bed at an obscenely early hour to go to this AA meeting. That was how important the meeting was to this person. I feel like it also demonstrates the challenges that an alcoholic has to face on a daily basis. Other people said similar things – that 90% of their friends were people they knew through AA, and that they think about what the group means to him when he is tempted to drink alcohol. AA really is its own social support structure. The struggle with alcohol brought all these different people together and they were incredibly encouraging to each other.

Although I was surprised that some people come to the meeting every day, the OVERWHELMING emotion I got from the meeting atmosphere was that it was a safe place. Perhaps it was even the definition of safe place. It was completely open, non-judgmental and supportive. People could say anything and the group would listen quietly and supportively. It felt like a safer atmosphere to share scary and intimate personal information than perhaps any other venue – with your doctor, at church, even with your friends and family. I spoke with the other medical students after the meeting and they all said that it was such a positive, friendly and safe place to share, we almost want to go back even though we don’t necessarily struggle with alcohol use. During the meeting, several people said, “AA gave me my life back.” Now I can totally see how going to this meeting, and the support structure could literally change someone’s life.

The AA members had a very positive response to seeing us. They thanked us for coming and said over and over again how important they thought it was for physicians to have an understanding of alcoholism and AA and what it can do for people. I think I will be much more likely One woman told us how hard it was for her to tell her physician that she thought she was drinking too much. Her physician just dismissed the comment and said, “Well, just cut back then.” The AA member told us that it is so hard to say that to someone and that if a patient ever says that to us as physicians we definitely should not ignore it and probe into the issue further. A different person told us that she asked her doctor if she should try AA and her physician said that she didn’t like AA because it used God and religion and the physician thought this was unnecessary. Later this AA member went to an AA meeting on her own and found it to be exactly what she needed to help her. She said that if AA works for some people, doctors and other people shouldn’t dismiss it no matter what methods it uses. This AA member told us that many of the people who attend this AA meeting are not religious and many don’t believe in God, however, the AA program still works very well for them.