"I wanted to clean out my bowels, so I ate soap."

As part of the psychiatry rotation, you spend several weekend and weekday nights 'on call' with the resident until 11:00pm or so. You split your time between seeing patients in the psychiatric emergency room and answering questions about ward psychiatry patients from nurses. On one afternoon with the resident we got a question from a nurse about a patient on the wards who was complaining of "bowel distension" and some mild abdominal pain. I recognized the name of the patient as one of the patient's my team was following so I offered to go upstairs and talk to the patient first. The resident said he thought this was a great idea and said he would be arriving about 10 minutes after me. Here is a summary of our conversation (at least as good as I can remember):

Me: "Can you tell me about your abdominal issues?"
Patient: "Well, I know my abdomen is very distended, and I am really constipated."
Me: "Tell me more. When was your last bowel movement?"
Pt: "I have had two bowel movements today and they were both pretty loose and I had two bowel movements yesterday too, but I know I am constipated. Look how big my abdomen is."
Me: "Some people might think that if you have 4 loose bowel movements in the last 2 days, that you probably aren't constipated. Can you tell me if you have changed anything about your routine or what you have been eating recently?"
Pt: "Well, I really wanted to clean out my bowels, so I ate soap."
Me (confused, and trying to keep a straight face): "Uh, allow me to clarify. You ate soap?"
Pt: "Yeah, soap. You know, it comes in a bar."

Hmmm... I wonder what the source of her loose stools and abdominal distention/pain was?

When you think about on a very basic level, it sort-of makes sense. If you want to clean your hands, you use soap. If you want to clean your dishes, you use soap. If you want to clean out your bowels, wouldn't you also want to use soap?

Oh so good. Soap. Deliciousness in a bar. Maybe those food scented soap bars really have a market.

A couple people I have spoken to had their mouths washed out with soap when they were younger after saying some bad words. They say that it actually doesn't taste that bad. I wouldn't know.